PRAYER

feel like a heavy stone has been put on my heart, cant breathe, cant think, cant help to cry...
want to quit so so much, i just cant stand the pressure, the horrible feeling of helplessness...
just in 2 days, i experienced the feeling from heaven to the hell...

i know the circumstances wont change, what can only be changed is my perception, my attitude towards it. i say my prayer to God, not necessarily to change to environment/ circumstances, but change me, grant me the COURAGE, the WISDOM, the FAITH on HIM, most importantly, the PEACE in my heart that i need the most.

God, please be with me to go through these difficulties, sadness, sorrow. I know i am not alone, with the support from sis & bro, my family and most of all from GOD.

Encouragement :))

在清理電子郵件時，發現一件陳年訊息，傳來的日期是08年7月，標題為「勇於說不」。未打開前，我刻意細想一回，問自己：我為甚麼會保留這個郵件這麼久？難道有甚麼內容是很值得保留？那是甚麼？但任我如何回憶，還是忘了。好奇心驅使我打開此郵件，細閱一遍後，我終於明白保留到今日的意思，上天正指引我，把以下文字覆錄出來，好讓廣大讀者們可以一齊分享。

「我求上天把我的惡習拿掉。上天說：不！怎能是我去『拿掉』，該是你去『捨掉』。

我求上天讓我殘缺的孩子健全。上天說：不！他的靈性圓滿，他的身體只是暫時的。

我求上天賜我耐性。上天說：不！耐性是磨難的副產品，不能被賜予，要從學習而得。

我求上天給我幸福快樂。上天說：不！我祝福你，但幸福愉快是你的選擇。

我求上天免我於痛苦。上天說：不！苦難讓你厭棄塵世的煩憂，讓你更接近我。

我求上天助養我的靈性。上天說：不！你要自己成長，但我會助你修剪荒蕪，富饒你的收成。

我求上天給我所有物質，令我可以享受生活。上天說：不！我給予你生命，為此，你可以享受一切。

我求上天助我，如同祂愛我一般去愛他人。上天說：噢！你終於搞清楚了！」

這篇陳年郵件，我決定繼續在郵箱中保留着，好讓我有一天快將忘記時，又可以再拿出來回味一番。

臨床心理學家
林存湄
9/7/2010

new chapter

first day of my new work, i missed my old time and my lovely ex-colleagues already :(

felt really exhausted today, so many documents/ tables to read and to digest, not sure whether i am really capable/ suit this job... feel really bad now.

Still rmb the first two weeks of my last job, i was also stressed out and down. maybe i just need more time to adapt, to get familiar with figures, comparison, and the whole picture...

i know i will still have some hard time, but i thank god for all these coz it always in hard time that i get close to HIM and to look upon HIM.

i know i am blessed. Gotta be brave, find the focus, keep my spirit up, relax a bit and not pushing myself too harsh. Look upon Him and stand firm!

bon courage :)